Personal Matters
One of my more intense struggles is to feel trapped inside the limits of my own consciousness. This feeling of constraint is aggravated by “experts” telling me what to do or making decisions on my behalf without consultation. The last thing I want to be is such a “know all”, but at times I find myself turning into what I hate (Rom 7:15). Sometimes I react to the presence of God as if he too is such an outsider wanting to push into my life. Knowing my own deep confusion I have been praying lately as to why most of us seem to be incapable of sustaining a healthy openness to the closeness of Christ. Even though I feel very unqualified spiritually to address this topic I believe the Lord has given me various insights into daily surrendering to his presence.
Boxed In
I very clearly remember where and when I first consciously resisted something that God was saying to me. I hated the experience of being “intruded on” and intentionally created an indestructible box around my inner self [ego boundary] to keep God at a safe distance. The inevitable result of all our “box-building” is to shut out our awareness of the glory of God (Rom 3:23). This is the ultimate reason for the emptiness, boredom and just plain triviality of so much of life. Since we were made for eternal things everyone seeks to break out of the self-enclosed ego; by taking “chemical vacations” (i.e. substance abuse), through sex, gluttony, greed, power or popularity (Ecc 3:11). No human device however can release me from being trapped within my own limited wisdom, knowledge and mortality on this pathway to hell (Eccl 3:12; 7:29). No matter how great life’s present anguish, to a fallen person the vision of being eternally told what to do by an outside expert who is always right (omniscience), unlimited in power (omnipotent) and unavoidably present (omnipresent) is totally hateful. Thus left to themselves, “no one seeks God” (Rom 3:11).
From the inside there is no way I can escape my God-proofed box i.e. the ‘ME’ which so much fears losing its control of life. Of myself I cannot afford to entertain the thought that I may have been wrong about the way I have shaped the contours of my innermost being. No amount of external pushing on the walls of my enclosure by the well meaning emotional pressures, reason or inducements of others can set me free. In Jesus however I am offered a truly unboxed life (Rom 7:21-25).
God Unboxed: the Jesus revelation
The Word became human to unveil a God who is not in a box and who never operates on our lives from outside (John 1:14; Acts 17:28). The unconditional loving presence of Jesus was experienced by those seeking the kingdom of God as flowing from a fully unboxed divine-human person. Christ revealed to all around him that the fallen experience of conflict with the Creator, of a big Box pushing against our tiny boxes, is a product of our own vain delusions (Eph 4:18). Jesus unveiled the hidden secret that his Father’s glorious presence still surrounds and penetrates all creation, even the rebellious heart of man (Isa 6:3). The life of Jesus testified that God shares all our deepest pains and highest joys from the very inside. Sadly, as few believed Jesus’ message then few believe him now. The cynicism of man, the incorrigible inner conviction that God is a simply a ‘ME’ on an infinite scale, can only be dissolved by the cross.
The humble submission of Christ to injustice, abuse and brutality proves that the true image of God is never self-protective (Acts 2:23). Yet only the terror of the cry, ““My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34) can teach us to what limits divine love will extend to save us. In this deep lament we see that the Son of God experiences the total ‘ME’, the completely isolated ego whose boxed boundaries are so tight that no sense of the presence of God can penetrate. At the height of his suffering for us Jesus is aware only of himself- this is the deepest experience of hell. But heaven awaited the Son of God on the third day, his awareness of the unsurpassable radiance of the glory of God in all things is a state of unrestricted divine –human indwelling that was the purpose of God from the beginning (Heb 1:3). It is to this beauteous condition that we are all called.
Unboxed
It has been wisely said, “Pentecost flows from Calvary”. The box which holds ‘ME’ so tightly is not a mere psychological complex but profoundly includes my dependence on my faith, my commitment, my giving and my spiritual devotion. To become unboxed, Jesus alone must become the object of my faith. It is Jesus’ heart, soul, mind and strength that must be my central experience; I need to see as Jesus sees and to feel as he feels. My sole goal must be to enter into the fullness of his love, peace, joy, wisdom, goodness and so on. This is what it means for Christ to be my life (Phil 1:21; Col 2:9-10; 3:4).
Entering such spiritual depths require a specific sort of prayer; “Kill ‘ME’ Lord!” We must implore the crucified Lord-in-‘ME’ to break down every barrier standing against his indwelling presence (Gal 2:20; Eph 3:17). God’s holy work of dismantling the deceived self is the key to the unveiling of the all-encompassing glory which is already mine in Christ (Col 1:27). As this reality impacts my life more and more I feel his presence as an “insider” who truly belongs in me and the great human fear of losing some of what is truly ‘ME’ fades away. I grasp anew that a more limitless creativity, pleasure and purpose than I could ever find in myself is now fully at home in my heart. “God” need no longer be seen as an alien outsider trying to break into our lives and spoil our joy, but the unlimited source of joy for which we were all created. This is tremendous good news for the lost.
Such realisations spells the end of every projection of the insecure boxed ‘ME’ onto the wider world, the institutionalised securities which surround my life in the areas of work, finance, and especially religion, lose their controlling power. With the death of all such boxes Jesus is no longer kept at a distance and his controlling passion becomes mine – every space is to be filled with the glory of God (Hab 2:14; Eph 4:10).
Conclusion
The true ‘ME’ was created by God to be indwelt by his Word in a natural partnership penetrating into every area of our inner and outer worlds. Such rich and unbounded fellowship is the divine-human glory has fully come for us in Christ. The way of dwelling in such an astonishing presence is however death to the selfish identity which we hold on to so closely (Heb 12:1). As Jesus could only bring us into the glory of the divine presence through death to everything he held dear, this is the cost we also must embrace (Luke 24:26). Today we are called to let the Lord strip away all the precious boxing that surrounds us; this is a summons to the mature discipleship upon which any lasting spiritual renewal depends.