Jesus: Marriage and Divorce Ps 105:1-6, 37-45; Ex 16:2-15; Phil 1:21-30; Matt 19:1-12

Introduction  https://youtube.com/watch?v=iSTs49ntARs&si=uYymAJ9UjWrZhILh

The modern sense of a legally approved court annulment stripped of the notion of fault[1]stands in strong contrast with the circumstances of Jesus’ day where a Jewish husband (not wife) had the right to repudiate his wife by a unilateral declaration against which there was no appeal. The presence of Jesus himself reframes everything, the last thing our King has commanded us in Matthew (18:21-35) is that we must forgive “from the heart” any impossible debt[2] owed by a brother/sister (18:35). Ultimately, marriages end through one or both partners failing to repent and/or forgive. Even common experience informs us that there are divergent Christian positions on divorce and remarriage[3]. I never paid much attention to the strength of these divergences until the author of this book[4] personally shared with me how he was basically disfellowship by Christian academics for his position. This is a contradiction of the power of the gospel of limitless love and mercy. The bottom line on divorce and remarriage is whether you can honestly testify that your personal perspective, outworked in your relationships, has brought you revealed more of Jesus to you, and others. In a unique way amongst the Gospels, Matthew’s Jesus counsels us to desire mercy and champion forgiveness (Hos 6:6; Matt 9:13; 12:7)[5].

Exposition

vv. 1-2 Now when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. 2 And large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

In moving from his home territory Jesus moves to the region on the other side of the Jordan, Jesus comes under the jurisdiction of Herod. This is the same Herod who recently executed John the Baptist for publicly prophesying that his divorce of so that he could marry his brother’s wife[6] was “unlawful” (Matt 14:4)[7]. No doubt the Pharisees, who Matthew has earlier informed us are plotting to “destroy” Jesus (Matt 12:14) were hoping he would give them an answer to their question about the Law of Moses might likewise expose Christ to the same evil ruler’s wrath.

v. 3 And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one’s wife for any cause?”[8]

Whenever the Pharisees function as a group and ask a theological question of Jesus in Matthew[9] they are malicious. Like Satan in the wilderness (Matt 4:1) they “tested Jesus” hoping to expose him as someone who disregarded the highest standard of God’s revealed will, the Law of Moses. They seem to be trying to draw Jesus into a debate raging between two schools focussed on Deuteronomy 24:1, ““When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favour in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house”. The stricter school of rabbi Shammai interpreted “any matter of indecency” as indicating marital unfaithfulness, the liberal school of Hillel took “any matter of indecency” to include virtually any cause, like burning bread or wrinkly skin! Both schools agreed the law granted the man a right to divorce, however regrettable divorce might be.

4 He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, 5 and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

This passage, for obvious reasons, became a focus during the same-sex marriage debate a few years ago[10]. Here, instead of expounding Deuteronomy Jesus reaches back into the creation story in Genesis 1 and 2 and so refuses to allow a concession to be given the status of a divine principle. The meaning of marriage cannot be found in the Law to deal with a fallen situation but only in the original creation context opened up by Jesus. The Lord shifts our focus from man-centred (androcentric) to a God-centred (theocentric) framework. It should hardly surprise us then that, in the United States at least, recent research indicates that the more conservative/legalistic Christians are the higher their divorce rates[11].  Jesus’ use of the Eden narrative turns marriage from something governed by Law under the Fall under sin into a much higher divine calling.[12] As in Paradise, Christian marriages exists to outwork the call on humanity in the divine image[13] to fill all things with God’s glory[14] [15] [16].

The supernatural “one flesh” union which God established in the beginning between male and female constituting them husband and wife stands in opposition not only to divorce but every level of marital disharmony[17]. Every impassioned argument I/you/any of us have ever had with your spouse deeply grieves the Holy Spirit the ultimate source and energy of all marital union[18]. According to the apostles, anyone who “lets the sun go down on their anger” against a husband/wife (Eph 4:26, 30) hinders their prayers to the point of suffocation (1 Pet 3:7). As far as I can recall I have always been too much in reverential fear of the Lord to do this! When Jesus proclaims, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”, he uses the word translated “yoke”[19] he earlier employed in saying “my yoke is easy and my burden in light” (Matt 11:30). Honestly, to live this out stretches our faith, but the longer I have been married (48 years next Jan 5^th) the more powerful this truth becomes to my heart.

7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?” 8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. 9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

The legalistic Pharisees[20], ever eager to find an excuse for divorce, turn Moses’ concession into a command. They need to be told by the author of the Law that Law is God’s way to deal with their “hardness of heart”. Christ’s “I say to you”, already used 11 times in the Sermon on the Mount[21], bears the direct authority of God and deals with a situation where the marriage is already ended. The hard-heartedness of Israel began in her rebellion in the wilderness (Ex 16; Ps 95)[22] and pinnacle in the days of her Messiah. Anyone who plots divorce as a strategy to legally marry another person, perhaps to gain the credit of social acceptance, is already an adulterer/adulteress in God’s eyes. Matthew permits divorce only when the spouse has irreparably ended the marriage.

The “sexual immorality” referred to here[23] is any sort of sexual unfaithfulness. I remember visiting a professing married Christian man who began to share with me his addiction to pornography. When I said this amounted to adultery and grounds for divorce[24], for the Lord said, “everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28), he was shocked, replying, “No one has ever said that to me before!” Tragically, that marriage ended sometime after because his wife refused to forgive him. I was not being harsh and legalistic with that young man, for unlike both Jewish and Roman law mandated/made compulsory divorce on the grounds of adultery, Christian ethics centres in forgiveness through the power of the cross. PTL

Separation and divorce[25] always cause of deep pain, and I can think of godly men whose wives initiated divorces despite all their efforts. Personally, I believe such innocent parties are “not bound”[26] and can remarry.[27]

10 The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”[28]

The disciples, who have yet to witness the power of the death and resurrection of Jesus, are scandalised by the apparent demands of Jesus expectations.

11 But he said to them, “Not everyone can receive this saying, but only those to whom it is given. 12 For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven[29]. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.[30]”

Jesus expanded teaching, (typically) makes things more humanly impossible. The first two categories of “eunuch” are males who have been involuntarily rendered incapable of sexual activity, but the third group, celibacy for the sake of serving God, would have been as offensive to Jesus’ hearers as to modern idol worshippers of marriage and family. My father’s brother was childless, and I was the only son, so there was always pressure on me to preserve the “family name”. I remember after my conversion reading in Revelation of the 144,000 in the, “who have not defiled themselves with women, for they are virgins. It is these who follow the Lamb wherever he goes” (Rev 14:4). I resolved that I would join that throng following Jesus. Apparently, I lacked the charismatic gift of singleness[31] because the Spirit of God soon rebuked me, then shortly after the radiant 17-year-old Donna appeared!

Fixated on the right to remarry, Jesus’ legalistic opponents could never receive the secrets of the kingdom of God foundational to his teaching on marriage. Their hard hearts never obtained a higher righteousness based on mercy and non-assertion of rights, [including any right to marry] , in order to enter the kingdom of heaven[32]. A kingdom in which where there is no human marriage at all (Matt 22:30).

Conclusion

In the wider context of [Matthew’s spirituality of] the kingdom of God, Jesus lays down ordinarily impossible expectations, for only where the gospel is preached with power and authority can the original purposes of our Creator be fulfilled. Christian marriages are called in the power of the Word and Spirit of God to point to the unbreakable bond between our Lord and his Bride the Church. In a post Christian age, we are tempted to forget that legal divorce can lead to moral adultery. In a unique way amongst the Gospels, Matthew’s Jesus counsels us to desire mercy and champion forgiveness (Hos 6:6; Matt 9:13; 12:7). A man righteous in Christ[33] will cling to his wife rather than clinging to any legal right to divorce and remarry (Gen 2:24)! Sadly, this is not the average disposition of people of faith in our times.

By attempting to liberalise Jesus allowance, “except for sexual immorality”, the contemporary Church inevitably [immerses us in the quagmire of legalism and] denies the power of the resurrection life of Christ[34].  When I try to imagine what it must be like for some Christians pastorally known to me to stay inside their marriages, I can only describe their faithfulness as miraculous. The sphere of the miraculous is a realistic context for understanding today’s passage. If we do not believe that Jesus can physically heal broken bodies, where our text starts, how can we ever believe in our hearts that he can hold together and more than that, reconcile, broken relationships. To quote Christ’s comments at the end of this chapter, ““With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”” (19:26).

In conclusion, let me broaden things out. Given that we live in an age when in an average lifetime you’re more likely to change your marriage partner than your bank, our eyes need to be opened to how Western Christianity is on the threshold of judgement[35].  More accurately, we must recognise we have long been in spiritual exile because of our unholy lives. If mercy and forgiveness are missing from our marriages, do we really know and practice the gospel?