It’s All Personal

Despite the godly outcome of the recent “marriage equality” debate in our federal parliament we are on a slippery slope into progressive relational deviancy without an unprecedented spiritual renewal. I am not confident however that most Australian Christians discern the depth of the issues at hand when it comes to sexuality, gender and marriage. This has constrained me to open up in an area where I am usually quite private. The challenge of this article is to hold together in their true dynamic tension the two great sources of relational inspiration in my life – my theological reflections and my spouse of 37 years. The “God” I am talking about here is the Trinity, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, the wife is Donna. I will try to interweave these two threads, and then apply what they teach us to the contemporary confusions about sexuality, gender and marriage.

Things I Have Learned About God from Marriage

1. Equality

The founding principle of our Trinitarian faith is that “in this Trinity none is before, or after another; none is greater, or less than another.” (Athanasian Creed).  For many years I considered myself intellectually and spiritually superior to   my dear wife. I was the professional Christian and trained theologian, and she was often seen as a tag-along in church the circles. Then one day, in the midst of some crisis or other, I reluctantly humbled myself and said from my whole heart, “I need you.” That initiated a spiritually breakthrough which I don’t fully understand, but I am still amazed at the radical sense of equality that somehow encompasses our marriage. I can now proclaim the equality of the Persons of the Trinity with much greater authority because I somehow have an insight into it through marital intimacy.

2. Diversity

“The Father is not the Son, The Son is not the Father, The Father is not the Holy Spirit, The Holy Spirit is not the Father, The Son is not the Holy Spirit, The Holy Spirit is not the Son.”[1] The Early Church Fathers insisted on the absolute distinctiveness of the Persons of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit from each other. God’s own unified self-consciousness arises out of the diversity of the 3 Persons-in-relationship. The Father is who he is only as the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (Rom 15:6; 2 Cor 1:3; Eph 1:3; 1 Pet 1:3),  Jesus’ total awareness of his identity is that God is his (eternal) Father (John 17:5); the Spirit knows himself as the Spirit of Father and Son (Matt 10:20; Gal 4:6).

I said to my Donna recently in the context of prayer, “It’s incredible that someone so different from me can be a member of the same species.” To encounter someone so connected to me yet so absolutely distinct is to share an awareness of the divine life itself. This has periodically led me to tears. To be awe struck by an identity so complementary yet so different (cf. Gen 2:23) is to appreciate that the image of God is male-female in dynamic unity (Gen 1:26). The existence of men and woman as bipolar opposites is a living testimony that God is Trinity. Only by our mutual holiness, servanthood, submission and cooperation can the genders be the effective bearers of the revelation of the one true God to a world full of confusions about sexual identity.

3. Unity

“And the catholic faith is this: That we worship one God in Trinity, and Trinity in Unity” (Athanasian Creed).  Whilst distinctions exist in God there is absolutely no separation between the members of the Trinity. The “one flesh” vocation of marriage (Gen 2:24) was created as an icon or reflection of the unity of God; but this is an extraordinarily different reality to live out. When God condemned Adam and Eve for their collusion in rebellion he pronounced a devastating judgement; “Your desire will be to master your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Gen 3:16)[2] . The only way I know to break the “battle between the sexes” for dominance and control is united prayer. It is only as I have prayed together with Donna that I have felt lifted above the satanic powers that engender conflict; at times I can deeply sense that our prayers are not limited to our own lives as husband and wife, but share in the relationship between Christ and the Church. This seems to be a sharing in a union transcending mere physicality, “he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him.” (1 Corinthians 6:16-17 ESV).

4. Presence

Jesus said, “I am in the Father and the Father is in me” (John 14:11). Theologians use the word perichoresis to describe how the 3 Persons indwell one another in their complete sharing of a common life. They are totally present in each other’s lives. The Spirit of God communicates a share of this reality to the members of the Body of Christ. Paul believed though geographically separated from the Corinthians he was personally present through Christ’s Spirit, “When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus…” (1 Cor 5:4 ESV).  This same dynamic encompasses all of us who are betrothed to Christ as his Bride betrothing the Church to Christ as his Bride (2 Cor 11:2). When I pray in the name of Jesus for Donna in her role as a school teacher, my spirit is with her when she stands in front of a hostile class. When husband and wife seek the Lord together we are sharing in and imaging to the spiritual world the relationship between Christ and the Church (Eph 5:32).

Application

The current debate about marriage equality seeks to bypass the dynamics of gender that God has created to reveal himself. Most profoundly, it is a satanic assault on the identity of God as he has revealed himself as Father, Son and Holy Spirit! The call to Christian marriage is a call to a form of discipleship that takes us beyond the culture of self-enjoyment that today dominates our nation and so much of the Church. The blanket of fleshly darkness that lies over the minds of most Australians (2 Cor 4:4) concerning sex and marriage can only be penetrated by a band of spiritual light (1 Pet 2:9) flowing from Spirit-filled marriages bathed in the inexhaustible riches of Christ (Eph 3:8).

I think that it was C. S. Lewis who said that the spirituality of marriage was a foretaste of heaven and hell, but I know that it was Donna Yates who said, “Marriage is never boring!” What do you think?