The Mystery of Marriage
Revelation 4: Seeing the Mystery
Personal Matters
This is the fourth in a series of teachings as part of a mystical theology of marriage. They describe knowledge through presence within the communion I share with my wife and the one Jesus seeks with his Bride, the Church. These insights are not sought, but come as unexpected gifts. The insight in today’s teaching is pivotal to this whole series, because it concerns the transition between mental knowledge of marriage, even to be able to quote the Bible about it, and intimate understanding (Matt 13:13; Rom 10:10). This teaching gets to the bottom of why many Christian marriages lack spiritual depth and why the Church generally is not overwhelmed by being the Bride of Christ. It seems we cannot “see” who we are as the partner of Jesus. Whilst these matters have long preyed on my mind, an unusually sharp and painful recent experience has inspired me to write today, this came when Donna shared with me some of her recent struggles of which I had previously been unaware.
Who Sees?
At the most profound level the one who “sees” spiritual things is a seer i.e. a prophet (1 Sam 9:9). That the most profound seers on the subject of marriage are two celibate men, Paul and John, points us to the intensely spiritual nature of the relationship between Jesus and his Bride, the Church.
Paul testifies to his insight into the mystery of Christ and articulates that the relationship between husband and wife is “a great mystery…which speaks of Christ and the church” (Eph 3:3-4; 5:32). It is given to John to see the marvellous vision of the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (Rev 19:6-10). The meaning of this vision of eternal marital bliss is expounded by the an angel, “the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy” (v.10). Since we are all called to share the witness of Christ all Christians need to see into the depths of this mystery (Rev 12:17). When the spirit of prophecy abounds in the Church we see clearly that we are the Bride of Christ. Something must be blocking such a prophetic atmosphere amongst us today.
Within the broader context of Revelation prophetic insight is always intensified through suffering for Christ’s sake (e.g. Rev 2:7, 11). “Although” single men, Paul and John had great insight into the Bridegroom and his Bride because they suffered so deeply with Christ on behalf of his Church (Col 1:24; Rev 1:10). Sharing such suffering is foundational to the deepening of Christian marriages and seeing what it means to be betrothed to Jesus. Where most of us are stuck is that the precise nature of this suffering is obscure.
Shame ME Not
Shame is blinding Christian couples and the Bride of Jesus to the immense riches of married life (cf. 2 Pet 1:9). Our responses to shaming cut off the transparency needed to see intimate things. When Adam and Eve secretly rebelled against the LORD they immediately lost the ability to see the glory of God (Gen 3:5-6; Rom 3:23). Their eyes were suddenly open to how they had failed each other and their Creator, they felt ashamed, and were driven to cover up in front of each other and to hide from God (Gen 3:7, 8). Shame grips people everywhere and drives them to lower “the eyes of their hearts” to avoid the vulnerability of naked interpersonal contact (Eph 1:18). We hide behind clothes, possessions, ideas, religion and many other things. To be controlled by shame is to be controlled by my perception of others’ perception of ME. The most significant other from which we hide is our God. Whilst many believers speak glibly about seeking the presence of the Lord the cover up of shame seems almost everywhere. Only Jesus can deliver us from our depths of unseeing.
His Presence
The most amazing thing about Jesus was that sinners delighted in his presence (Mark 2:15-17; Luke 7:39, 15:1). Unlike their experience of the religious leaders who constantly looked down upon them (Luke 18:11), the outcastes of Christ’s day never felt looked down on in his presence. The mentally, morally, physically and spiritually disabled and disfigured never felt Christ was “above” them. They were stripped of all shame and longed to be physically around him (Luke 4:42). But for the living presence of Jesus to heal all of humanity’s shame and hiddenness would require the suffering of death and the glory of resurrection.
Jesus’ cry from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34), is his entry into the experience of all who feel the “high and lofty one who inhabits eternity” looks down on those who fail him (Isa 57:15). The sharpest pain for Christ on the cross is that he can no longer see the loving heart of the Father (Isa 45:15). Whilst for Jesus the suffering of the cross meant the inner life of God became a closed secret, for us the cross reveals that the love of God towards failures is unconditional. In the light of the cross nothing remains hidden between Christ and his Church. This has profound implications for Christian couples and the marriage between Christ and his Bride.
Secretless
The piercing anguish referred to earlier which came upon me was not only acute but I knew that its centre was not in ME; the centre of such marital pain is in Jesus. I was sharing in Christ’s suffering over all the secrets his Bride hides from his presence. Unmistakeably the Lord was conveying how much he suffers when our sense of shame and failure causes us to block off our hearts to his intimate healing presence. This Husband never looks down on our relational failures but reaches out to perfect us in the unconditional love of God (1 John 4:16-18). The secrets we keep from him as a Bride cause Jesus to suffer a sharpness of pain that none of us would want to bear. It is time that the Church learned to trust him with everything and enter into a shame free life.
Conclusion:
The pain Christ has given me to carry on behalf of the Church in recent days has been very difficult to bear, but it conveys with undeniable clarity that the marital intimacy the Lord seeks with us his Beloved means much more to him than we have ever imagined. The suffering of the cross was to bring us to a point where might disclose to our Saviour all the hidden secrets of our life, and see ourselves in Christ as the glorious and beautiful Bride we were destined to be (Eph 5:27). Let us all ask our Jesus to powerful reveal to each of us that he never looks down upon our efforts to please him, and may we turn away from ever thinking we are “above” others. If we do these things we will begin to see the incredible greatness of the mystery of marriage, both personally and as members of the Bride.