10.03.2006
Introduction
One of the most damaging problems facing the church today is the breakdown of Christian marriages. The frequency of this problem has never been greater.
To properly understand what is happening we need to look below the surface of social and cultural factors and understand that the root cause of relationship collapse is spiritual. In Ephesians 5:31- 32 Paul states that the relationship between husband and wife is designed to image that between Christ and the church. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
What he means is that the words first applied to the marriage of Adam and Eve (and so to all subsequent marriages) have their final application in terms of how Jesus and the church relate. The problems in Christian marriages are reflecting an underlying breakdown between the church and Jesus. Unless there is a major change in the way the church relates to Jesus, we will never see a healing among Christian marriages.
From Eden on that Satan has been trying to “split the image” i.e. the image of God in the male – female relationship. At the core is of the fracturing of the divine image is that many couples do not share everything that is going on in their lives. This is a deep contradiction. According to John 15:12-15 people who love one another have everything in common. 12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
Jesus desires a total oneness between him and his bride (Eph 5:31-32) and there was never anything hidden between Jesus and the Father. 20 For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing. (John 5:20). Somehow we rationalise keeping secrets from one another in marriage. The root of this problem is shame; things are hidden when they are experienced as shameful. If married people are hiding things from on another it is certain they are hiding things from God; at the very least, they are not open with God about hiding things from each other, for if they were, they would not remain hidden for long, the Holy Spirit would bring them into the light. There must be a shame problem between the church and Jesus.
I have observed that the spiritual culture of a church is set by the kind of relationship between the pastor and his/her spouse. (The issue we are discussing therefore affects everyone.) The dynamic stated in Genesis 3:16b is projected onto the life of a congregation. God says to Eve, “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” Patterns of dominance (outward behaviour) in marriage and in church come from men “ruling” women a result of the Fall. Patterns of control and manipulation (emotional/inward) come from the “desire” women have for their husbands. The word used for “desire” in Genesis 3:16 is the same used in Genesis 4:7 of sin seeking to control Cain.
A Question asked about the Church in Laodicea
Look up Revelation 3:17-18.
17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see.
They needed eye salve because they were lacking spiritual insight into their own condition- they could not see their “shameful nakedness” or that they needed to be clothed with “white robes”. This church is much like our own – affluent, conformed to society, no sign of persecution (implies idolatry). It thought it had the answers to its own needs. It was morally and spiritually complacent.
What is the ‘salve for our eyes’” (Bianca Davies) in Jesus’ instructions to the church?
This group were seeing themselves and their successes, but they were not seeing Jesus. If they were looking into the eyes of the Son of Man with his piercing vision “eyes were like a flame of fire” (Rev 1:14) they would already know the things he spoke to them.
An idolatrous church is one that is seeking satisfaction somewhere other than in relation to its Head (Eph 4:15;5:23;Col 1:18;2:19). This is a church that does not believe that the Father has given us the perfect Bridegroom (Jesus), it does not believe in the goodness of the Father’s love.
According to the principle, “the woman/wife is the glory of the man/husband” (1 Cor 11:7), the church will live as glorious in the light of Christ. Its current spiritual impoverishment shows it is not living in this light.
Seeing in the Light of Jesus
John 8:12“Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
This statement about the light of the world follows directly after the story of the woman (wife) caught in adultery (something typically hidden). Adultery is the worst sort of marriage problem. Jesus ended this incident with the profound words, 10 “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” 11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”
In the presence of the light of Christ there is no condemnation and so no presence of shame. (If God in Christ passed this sentence on the woman, what had happened to her guilt and shame?)
There are two possible responses to the presence of the light of Jesus. They are summed up in John 3:17- 21, “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. 18 Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God. 19 And this is the judgment: the light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 But whoever does what is true comes to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that his deeds have been carried out in God.”
Those who come to the light love the light (v.19), this light is in Jesus. John 1:4 “in him was life, and the life was the light of all people”. In the light of Christ the revelation 16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life – these people know they are not condemned.
Those who hate the light refuse to come to the light lest their deeds of darkness i.e. their shameful deeds, be exposed. They prefer their shame. They love the darkness because it hides them, this is what sustains shame. They remain in condemnation.
The difference between these two groups is not primarily what the people do or do not do, it is what they love – light or darkness. It is not a matter of personal righteousness, “all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment” (Isa 64:6).
The human tendency to hide from God begins with Adam and Eve
6 So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. 7 Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.
8 And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. 9 But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” 10 And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” 11 He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” 12 The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” (Gen 3:6-12)
Adam and Eve tried to hide from God because they were in love with the world and had no desire to come into God’s light. 1 John 2:15-16 15 Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is not from the Father but is from the world.
If there are those in the church who plainly “love the world”, we must ask the question whether they are in fact unbelievers.
Do people know they hide their Sin?
The answer to this question appears to be affirmative. In Romans 1:32 Paul says, 32 Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
This is consistent with the story in Genesis 3:7, “the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” This is set in direct contra to Genesis 2:25, 25 And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
Their “eyes were opened” to their darkness i.e. to their shame, they were able to see the darkness in themselves and it seemed impenetrable. They hid from God in guilt, not in innocence. They were locked into a circle of sin and shame and the consequent knowledge of death. (The human race was locked into “toxic shame”. “What is ‘toxic shame’, anyway? As opposed to shame as an emotional response to an unintentional transgression of a behavioural boundary, toxic shame is the all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and defective as a human being. It is more than an emotion; it is internalized as a state of being, a core identity, a rupture of the self. A shame-based person is constantly on guard against exposure of his shame to others, and also to himself” (Bradshaw p 10) Bob Capp)
Cultures of shame are demonised. From the Fall on Satan appears as one who speaks in the language of God’s wrath i.e. he speaks as one who condemns, without any way out. (This is NOT God’s wrath.)
Jesus, the Light of Life
John says, 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. (1 John 3:8).
The light of Jesus life was manifested to destroy the works of Satan. We see this for example in his healings e.g. Luke 13:16 “And ought not this woman, a daughter of Abraham whom Satan bound for eighteen years, be loosed from this bond on the Sabbath day?” Acts10:38 God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and with power. He went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him.
Primarily however the destruction of Satan’s power to shame happens through the cross.
The Cross of Light and Darkness
At the beginning of John’s Gospel it says, 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:4- 5).
Jesus came into a world of intense spiritual darkness and the darkness sought to extinguish the light of his life.
The Old Testament prophets warned that the day of the LORD would be 20 darkness, and not light, and gloom with no brightness in it? 9 “And on that day,” declares the Lord God, “I will make the sun go down at noon and darken the earth in broad daylight. (Amos 5:20; 8:9). Jesus prophesied that the signs of judgement would include the darkening of heavenly bodies (Matthew 24:29; compare Isa 13:10ff.; Joel 2:10, 31;3:16).
This is what makes the description of the crucifixion that of a judgement scene –Matthew 27:45 “Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land until the ninth hour”. This is reminiscent of the final plague before the death of the firstborn in Egypt. 21 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Stretch out your hand toward heaven, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, a darkness to be felt.”
What is happening inside Jesus on the cross? What did it mean for Jesus to identify with shameful humanity when he had no shame?
Jesus is plunged into a terrible aloneness – as Adam could no longer reach the deepest parts of Eve, nor Eve Adam (because they were obscured by shame), so Jesus experiences a split between himself and his Father. The image of God appears as split, God no longer appears to be a Father with a Son.
Mark 15:34 And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
It is most important however to understand that Jesus is not being condemned, Romans 8:3 “3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh” It is not Jesus that is condemned, it is not people who are condemned in the cross, it is sin that is condemned. Sin is condemned by being sent in Jesus into the outer darkness i.e. into the place where there is no light of life. Sin is condemned by the maximisation of shame.
In crying out from the cross, Jesus is asking “Where is the God of justice” (Mal 2:17). This is a real question, because Jesus knows in himself that he does not deserve to share our state of condemnation, it is by faith (not sight or experience) that he knows he is not sinful. It is Jesus own faith that is being perfected (Heb 2:10; 12:2) in the trial of the cross. He is aware in himself that he does not love the darkness but hates it. He loves the light but is unable to come to the light because he is experiencing the judgement day of the LORD.
The fire of God’s justice against our sin (his burning light that exposes all evil – but Jesus is not allowed to see it as light) is killing Jesus on the cross for the justice of God is being allowed to reign over all evil. Jesus bears the shamefulness of sin beyond our imagining. Because the justice of God has been fully enacted against sin there is now no condemnation, no one needs to love the darkness because in Jesus the shame has fully come and gone.
Jesus Brings Light to those Who Follow Him
The story of the disciples walking with Jesus on the road to Emmaus is a story of the reversal of the effects of the Fall (Luke 24:16 -35).
16 But their eyes were kept from recognizing him… 24 Some of those who were with us went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see… 30 When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it and gave it to them. 31 And their eyes were opened, and they recognized him.
At first they do not see Jesus, then their eyes are opened by God to see him –not to see the good and evil that is within them, not to see their faithlessness and so their shame, but to see Jesus. They start to know things (spiritually) – instead of knowing they are in darkness they know they are in Jesus.
It was not that they had tremendous faith –they seemed to have no faith, it is the object of faith i.e. Jesus, that justifies (puts us right with God), not the strength of our faith.
This is what Paul prays for the church, Ephesians 1:17- 18 “that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, 18 having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints.”
When we have this illumination, we hear Jesus speaking of sin more than ever, but never in the language of condemnation. Sinners are now free in him, it is the role of the Spirit to tell us that sin has been condemned in Christ and we are no longer condemned Romans 8:1 -3 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh.
As in Exodus 12, at the time of the Pass-over and the killing of the first- born, God’s condemnation passes over those who are in Christ.
Going Back into Darkness
There are no necessary reasons for Christians to experience debilitating guilt and shame. We seem to know this by the teaching of the Spirit when we first come to Christ. Something however this seems to change afterwards.
It is as if we do not expect people who have been Christians for some time to struggle with sin. In Romans 7:24-25 Paul speaks of himself as someone who knows struggle with sin 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. But he goes on to immediately say; 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
Paul lives in an environment of open confession of sin that keeps him in the grace of God – it is his struggle with sin that shows he does not love the darkness. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. (Rom 7:18– 20)
This is the principle behind John’s assertion that those who belong to God do not “go on sinning”. 5 You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. 6 No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. 7 Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. 8 Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil. 9 No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.
He does not mean that real Christians cannot sin, but that they do not love to sin. “He who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him” (1 Cor 6:17) means that a true believer cannot sin from their deepest heart where they are united to Jesus.
There are two opposite problems in the church that keep Christians confused about these things. The first, now a minority position, is to speak more of sin than of the righteousness we have in Christ. This is to speak as Satan speaks. It leads to more sinning because people either become self –righteous or feel guilty and shameful hide their sin and give up on trying to please God. The second problem is to drop the vocabulary of sin and speak in the therapeutic language of “failure”, “mistake” etc. This psychologises our needs and bypasses the radical forgiveness we can only receive from God. We need beware that we not be like the Pharisee, who was blinded by his own sense of worthiness (Luke 18:11-12). Compare the Laodiceans.
Application and Conclusion
5 This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. (1 John 1:5) This means that there is no darkness in Jesus. To live in him is to live in a place without shame. To intentionally live in Jesus is to clothe oneself in his righteousness (1 Cor 1:30).
6 If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. 7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. 8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:6 – 9)
Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. (James 5:14-16)
There is no better place, no safer place, for this to begin than in marriage where the reality of a shameless and blameless covenant between God and humanity can be imaged.
When the church lives like this it lives free- it won’t be subject to manipulation, deception or control, because these things are only given power in a person’s life when they feel there is something wrong with them. When they are ashamed of their financial situation, appearance, education, race, possessions…
Struggles in marriages, with memories, hurts… come into the open and can be healed by the power of Christ.
What we need in much of the contemporary church is the purifying fire of God “gold refined by fire” (Rev 3:18) to burn away the dross in our lives, to strip away our pretensions, titles, self –promotions etc. = self righteousness blinding us to our inner shame in holding on to these very things. 10 For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. (Ps 66:10).6 In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, 7 so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honour at the revelation of Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 1:6 -7)
Jesus will send us through cross –like trials that will throw us into God in such away that we come to realise there is no condemnation and so no shame in his light. He did it for the women caught in adultery, for Peter through his betrayal, for Saul on the road to Damascus …When we know God is a God of justice in doing such things to us we will willingly suffer these trials for him that the light of Christ might shine through us into a world of toxic shame.